


It's the Wonder of us I Sing of Tonight

by Yotsubadancesintherain5



Series: sometimes the stars seem closer than they should [1]
Category: Jack et la mécanique du cœur | Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart (2013), Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blood, F/F, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-08 09:52:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11079153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yotsubadancesintherain5/pseuds/Yotsubadancesintherain5
Summary: Madoka knew the rules of her heart very well. But above all she wanted to find someone with a heart just like hers, down to the very mechanisms within.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Jack and the Cuckoo Clock Heart is a strange but endearing movie. I didn't think much of it when I first watched but somehow I really wanted other people to see it, mostly to gauge their reactions. And through that I started to appreciate the movie more!
> 
> I also read the book. In my opinion, skip the book. Jack is way more unsympathetic. There's only one part of the book I liked and it was the reveal at the end.
> 
> Title and chapter titles come from "Days in the Sun".

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Make my messes matter; make this chaos count

Ever since Mami could remember, though there was not too much to worry about forgetting as she was only six years old, she heard the stories of numerous hearts. Many, many years ago, during the first appearances of the moving picture there was a boy. His heart was a mechanism, a clock, a dangerous and fiery contraption. His heart had become very damaged and he had passed on.

But there was a girl. They had loved each other, and she took it upon herself so that anybody like him could thrive and be freed from ridicule. It was not an easy task, learning about hearts (for in her resolve she traveled all over the world and found many types of hearts) but she managed and eventually excelled.

She had students. And those students became teachers. Mami's mother and father were in the group of students descending many years. 

It was often called magic back then, her father would say with a waving motion of his hand, and that could be considered truth. However, there were many things to consider, and he did not go into detail for this because Mami would begin to fidget and want to prod at one of the tools in the workshop.

Her parents had an orderly workshop. It did not have all of the hearts or the tools and materials for one but it was enough for someone who was very sick or injured or dying. Even now a clock heart was dangerous, less so now but still dangerous. It was the precise steps that went into lodging the mechanical heart into place and the aftermath that made her parents shy away unless it was dire.

Mami thought that day would never come. But then there was a woman that near broke down their door, holding out a bundle and pleading for her child to be saved.

Mami stayed with the woman until it was done. When her father brought the baby back from the workshop she expected him to reveal that the baby had a new paper heart, or perhaps a heart carved from a jewel.

But her father showed that the baby possessed a clock heart. As he explained to the mother what this meant, Mami found herself staring at the heart. She knew it went beyond childlike curiosity, and she didn't have a word for it.

She was awestruck because she thought that the boy had been reborn and could live his life in peace.


	2. When my life has barely begun

From the time that Madoka was fully walking and remembering her mother would take her to the place that saved her life. Her mother would say that a kind man and woman had rescued her from death’s door and that learning about the heart in her chest would be very interesting indeed.

At the time Madoka thought that everyone had a heart like hers. Perhaps in revealing that this was not the case spun the wheels in her five year old mind, creating a thought that would stay with her forever if not solved.

The kind man and woman’s daughter, Mami, told her stories about the origins of her heart when they first met. There was the story of the boy with the clock heart, a tragedy unfolding, and how his death started the slow acceptance of irregular hearts. Madoka interrupted her once to ask how old she was and got the answer of eleven years old.

Madoka thought that Mami was very old.

She spent a great deal of her childhood in their workshop. And every time she visited, as she walked through the door, Madoka would ask if anybody received a clock heart.  
There was always the response of “no” and sooner rather than later her question was answered quickly and became a sort of inside joke.

But Madoka was persistent.

-

Madoka knew a good percentage about her heart when she was ten years old. She could recite the three rules for her heart perfectly, including the addendum. Never touch the hands of your clock heart, keep your temper under control so your heart will not burst from wrath and never kiss the person you love until you become an adult. When you became an adult your heart would work just as well as a flesh and blood one and the three rules would no longer apply.

Madoka wished that those eight years would hurry up, at first. But Mami had repeated what her parents had whispered and written down: the day that the heart became strong forevermore would result in agony, as the heart worked itself fully. Mami’s parents thought it was a side effect of the magic that went into such a heart. Mami thought that it was revenge of the clock heart boy. He had attempted to tear out his heart.

“That’s morbid,” Madoka replied, saying the new word slow and deliberate.

“It’s why clock hearts can be dangerous,” Mami said. She was practicing a heart transfer on a stuffed doll. This doll would gain a heart made from paper. “Even sugar hearts and paper hearts are safer.”

She turned from her seat to see that Madoka was looking out the window.

“Daydreaming?”

“About flying,” Madoka said. “And trains.”

“Wanderlust,” Mami said, before turning back to her work, making a pretend, flourishing movement of adding magic to the paper heart. Madoka mulled over this new word and held onto it before asking her mother what it meant when she was at home.

The answer was the truth. But it wasn’t that Madoka was just then ready to leave Roselake then and there. It didn’t feel right, even if she had to admit that a part of it was that she was too young to leave.

But she wanted to go in the future. She could see saying good-bye to her family, to Mami and her parents, and to her friends. She would miss them, but the world called to her. Madoka wanted to learn about other hearts, from the regions that boasted specific ones. Woolhope’s hearts spun from wool and fabric, Ship Haven’s hearts of rope, Ashborne’s paper hearts and Silverkeep’s hearts carved from gems, just to name a few.

There was another part to Madoka’s wish that she did not speak of to anyone, because if she held onto it this wish would come true.

She wanted to find someone out there who had a clock heart just like hers.

-

The day Madoka started school there was a student, named Sayaka, from Ship Haven. She was still wearing the style of clothing, a shirt and pair of pants that were breathable and loose. Madoka hoped she had clothes for the winter.

The other children were more interested in Sayaka than they were Madoka, craning their heads to look at her, which was understandable. They had known her for years, being in her neighborhood, and she would have found it unnerving if they still treated her like an outsider.

Madoka herself stole a few glances at the new student. She wondered if the girl knew anybody in Ship Haven had a clock heart.

When the day was over she called Sayaka aside on the walk home, introducing herself, “My name is Madoka” and unfortunately nervous in asking her question. It was a mixture of fearing disappointment and how to bring the subject onto a clock heart.

In desperation, she pulled back her jacket, revealing her clock heart.

“That’s amazing,” Sayaka said. She tilted her head. “Like that story.”

“You heard it, too?” Madoka asked as she pulled back her jacket. “Did anybody have one in Ship Haven?”

“Some of the traveling fishermen would tell the kids,” Sayaka said. “And no, but there were a lot of people with rope hearts. I’m not really sure how it worked.”

“I want to go there someday,” Madoka said. “Or anywhere, really.”

“I want to stay in one place,” Sayaka laughed. “I think my family finally decided to stay here.”

“Did you ever meet someone out there with a clock heart?” Madoka asked, the mixture of anticipation and disappointment rising again.

“No,” Sayaka said. “But I heard stories about the boy and what happened to him…”

At her tone, Madoka hung her head. She knew all too well. The bleaker details were told to her now, how he had to run from his hometown because of a horrifying accident. Madoka didn’t fear the mechanical bird in her heart, since it would stay in forever when she became an adult, but that part of the story made her feel sick; even more so than the boy’s death.

“But I don’t think it was his fault,” Sayaka said. “That bully wouldn’t leave him alone, and it wasn’t fair. I think that bully got what he deserved.”

Madoka wondered how things could’ve ended differently. “I wish he could’ve stayed away forever…”

“It wasn’t fair,” Sayaka said again. “But I’m glad the girl was able to research all those hearts. I don’t even know what I want to be yet, but she decided when she was only fourteen.”

“Traveling all over the world,” Madoka said. “Who else did you meet out there?”

“A lot of people,” Sayaka said. “Amberway was probably the most boring. It didn’t have a specialty of hearts. But there was a girl I met in Hirane whose family had been there since the sea first churned out salt…”

It was hard to depart from Sayaka when the two found Madoka’s home, but there was always the next day.

-

Two years passed, and Sayaka soon became a frequent visitor to the workshop as well. She wouldn’t ask the same question as Madoka and wasn’t interested in learning how to transfer an ineffectual organic heart for a useful inorganic one but she respected the work that went into it.

By now, Madoka had joined Mami in learning how to do such a transfer. She put half of the time into transferring a clock heart, so that if that day finally came she would be ready. She already was planning on how to keep practicing when she left Roselake.  

Her heart was already starting to require more frequent turns. Her key was in quick access, in a pocket sewn on the inside of her jacket. The key was a dullish bronze. Madoka also carried around a silver key in her outside pocket, one that she had wished on. She called it her lucky key.

One day, when she left for home after visiting the workshop, Mami and Sayaka in deep conversation about heart magic, Madoka heard music. She followed the sound, and it lead her to the plaza. Madoka saw a girl playing a violin. The girl was wearing a crimson dress where the bottom hem was frayed and well worn. Her hair was tied into ribbons with braids and she wore glasses, her eyes closed as she played.

Madoka stepped closer, but her heart suddenly ached, and she fell to her knees. Madoka gritted her teeth and dug out her key, turning the heart. With a few turns the ache disappeared and Madoka breathed, tears forming on the edge of her eyes.

“Are you all right?” asked a voice, and Madoka looked up to see the girl looking down at her. Madoka put away her key and stood up, brushing off her pants.

“I am,” she said, catching herself since she didn’t know how this girl would react to clock hearts, “My heart just gave me a little pain.”

“I understand,” the girl said. She looked downward. “My family isn’t very good with hearts. I haven’t had any pain, but my father doesn’t want me to do anything strenuous. I can’t even dance anymore…”

 Madoka thought for a moment. She pulled the ribbons from her hair and said, “I’ll dance for you, if you want.”

A look of surprise crossed the girl’s face. But she smiled a little and said, “Okay.”

Madoka danced to the music until it was nearly sundown, giving care to her heart when it called for it. When they both had to go home the girl said that her name was Homura and that she was going to start school in Roselake.

When Madoka thought of the girl again as she walked home her heart would made noises as if in protest. She thought of rule three and shook her head. It was too soon for that.  
But she couldn’t help her smiling. And that would be okay by her heart.


	3. will you now forever remain out of reach of my arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mention of violence.

Madoka saw Homura at school the next day. Her heart didn’t ache like it had the day before, but she still wound it up just in case. With Sayaka by her side she showed Homura that she had a clock heart and waited to see her reaction.

Homura leaned down to look at it and Madoka hurriedly pushed her head away in a panic.

“Please don’t do that,” she said, an image of the boy flashing through her head.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” the words were frantic. The bell rang out and Homura hurried up the steps.

Sayaka gave Madoka a confused look that slowly changed to realization. She shrugged and went up the steps to the school as well.

Madoka didn’t focus on class that day. She forced herself to not glance at Homura, but she couldn’t stop thinking of the boy either. She didn’t know what he really looked like, though there was rumor that there was a moving picture of him out there somewhere. It apparently showed him walking through the place where he finally found the girl he loved, but otherwise there were no documents of him that Madoka knew about. She pictured him with the same height and body as the boys she knew, with hair the same color as his heart. Madoka thought that his expression was a sullen one, as if he was a weathered grandfather that would say, “ _Don’t do anything dangerous or you’ll regret it_.”

When she was supposed to be learning about fractions Madoka was wondering if the boy was scared. If, maybe in all his fear that made him run from his hometown, he was somewhat grateful that he found the girl after all that time. Or if he was scared of dying. Did he have any idea that the girl he loved would go out into the world like him and learn about all those hearts?

Madoka wondered what the boy would think of her.

Before she knew it the day was over and her classmates were leaving the room. Sayaka grabbed her by the arm and said, “The new girl is waiting by the gate to talk to you,” and she let go, heading off to who knows where.

Madoka walked slowly down the steps, her heart clicking. She saw Homura standing by the gate, looking as nervous as Madoka felt.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” Homura said rapidly, and then she turned on her heels to walk away. Madoka called, “Wait,” and walked after her. She caught up and said, “What’s wrong?”

“I looked down at your heart,” Homura said. “And there’s something else…”

Madoka hoped she wasn’t going to apologize for the day before.

“You’ve heard of the boy, I’m sure,” Homura said, saying boy like it was a secret. “My father… he’s told me stories about that boy. And they weren’t flattering. When you said to not look at your heart all I could think about was the boy grabbing his classmate’s head and gouging out his eye.”

Madoka’s stomach lurched. “I’ve never heard of that.”

“I know you wouldn’t do that,” Homura said.

“It was all an accident,” Madoka said weakly. “The mechanical bird only comes out when someone is under great stress.” There was a tense silence.

“I believe you,” Homura said. “Father must have heard it wrong. And you have a clock heart, so you know better than me.”

Madoka pulled her jacket a little tighter. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Homura said. She looked over her shoulder. “Ah, your friend is coming this way.”

Madoka turned her head to see Sayaka lightly running a good ways away. Madoka waved her hand.

“We’re going up to the workshop if you want to know more about hearts,” Madoka offered.

“I don’t think I can,” Homura said. “Father doesn’t want me to get an inorganic heart, if it does turn out to be weak. I don’t want to be tempted.”

Madoka nodded, and watched as Homura said good-bye and walked down a different street. Sayaka caught up with Madoka and put an arm around her shoulders.

“Did everything work out?” Sayaka asked and Madoka wondered if she had more to do with this talk than she was letting on. But she nodded and Sayaka grinned.

Later, when Sayaka left Mami’s house to go home and Mami and Madoka were sitting together in the living room, a cup of tea in their hands, Madoka asked her about the boy.

“There was a girl that said the boy intentionally gouged out the bully’s eye,” Madoka said to her cup of tea. The hot liquid moved as her hand shook a little.

Mami sipped at her tea. “I’ve heard of that,” she said slowly. “But what do you believe?”

“I want to believe that he didn’t do it,” Madoka said. The teacup became shakier. “But if it’s true then I couldn’t _stand_ it, that he would do something like that, and I-“

Mami put down her teacup. She gently made Madoka set her teacup into the saucer and held Madoka’s shaking hand.

“We’re not going to know for sure,” Mami said. “And I know that sounds bad. But think about it. Didn’t the bully try to convince the girl to go back with him? And what happened?”

“The girl ran back to find the boy when she realized she had the key to his heart,” Madoka said. She didn’t realize she was crying until she heard her voice.

“So she believed the boy in the end,” Mami said. “If she believed the bully then wouldn’t have she considered taking the key justice?”

“Death for an eye?” Madoka asked. “That seems a little much.”

“She wouldn’t have thought rationally. And yet she went back for him.”

Madoka breathed. She withdrew her hand and rubbed at the tears on her cheeks. “I wish I could have asked her.”

“I wish that, too,” Mami said softly. “And I would ask her name, her true name.”

“Maybe she was afraid of the bully coming back for her,” Madoka said.

“Perhaps. Now, what did this girl say when you talked with her?”

“I said that it was an accident,” Madoka said. She picked up the tea again and drank from it, feeling better at its warmth. “And she thought that maybe her father heard it wrong. I guess, in a way, that was a relief.”

Right at that moment her heart chose to make noises of protest. Mami’s eyebrows furrowed at the noise but a knowing smile spread on her face as Madoka tried to silence her heart with its key.

“What a relief, indeed.”

-

Two more years passed. Sayaka left for the first half of the year to visit her relatives in Ship Haven, and Madoka wished that a fourteen year old was seen as old enough to go out on her own. Sometimes, when in class, she would daydream about packing up her bags, leaving with Homura on a train and going to visit Sayaka. Mami would send her packages full of stuffed toys so that she could practice heart transfer.

Homura had indulged her temptation a few times to visit the workshop. She seemed most drawn to the hearts made from fabric. Her father still opposed inorganic hearts, but it wouldn’t hurt to look. When Mami had checked her heart just to see she was strangely silent about how far apart the heart beats were and she couldn’t gauge what heart Homura would need if she needed it.

There was something in Mami’s expression that made Madoka pause. She had been doing this practically since she was born, for twenty years to be exact, and something like that was for beginners.

But that strange moment was swept up and away in the following chatter.

One day, after school, Madoka and Homura walked together to the river. It was nearly summertime, and Sayaka would be back by the end of it. They sat by the riverbank together.

“We should swim together when she comes back,” Homura said. She flinched when she realized what she had said. “Are… are you able to swim?”

“I can’t,” Madoka admitted. “It wouldn’t be good for my heart. But I can put my legs in the water. Washing up is a little difficult but I’ve managed.”

“There’s got to be other people with clock hearts,” Homura said. “We should ask them if they visit Roselake.”

“It’s actually very rare,” Madoka said. She fidgeted. “Mami never told you?”

“I never asked,” Homura said. “It seemed rude. I guess I figured a lot of people would.”

Madoka’s hand unconsciously reached for the silver key in her pocket. She ran her thumb over the teeth of the key. It would be okay if she told one person.

“You know, I want to leave someday,” she said.

“Oh.” Homura’s knees were drawn closer to her chest. “Not soon? I would miss you.”

“I can’t leave right now,” Madoka said. “Mama and papa would get worried. And I still need to learn more about transferring hearts from Mami’s parents.”

“And, well, I don’t want to leave you or Sayaka yet,” she added. “But we could all go together.”

“What do you want to do out there?”

“I…I want to find someone out there like me,” Madoka declared. “I want to find someone with a real, working clock heart, just like me. I’m not coming back until I do!”

At the silence Madoka felt her face grow warm. Her lucky key couldn’t save her from embarrassment.

“You wouldn’t mind if I kissed you right now,” Homura asked, her words all jumbled and rushed.

“Ah, um, I wouldn’t,” Madoka said, her face growing redder at the unexpected words. Her heart sounded like a clicking version of buzzing bees. “But not until I become an adult.”

She drew out the bronze key and tuned her heart, the noise quieting down. She looked at Homura, who was covering up her face with her hands.

“When I come back I’ll be an adult,” Madoka said. “I’ll kiss you then, if you want.”

Homura peeked through her fingers and nodded, and the promise was made.

When it came time for them to go their fingers brushed against each other as they walked.

-

When Sayaka came back from Ship Haven and school resumed Homura didn’t come to school. Madoka thought that maybe she was sick. She would have visited Homura but the girl insisted that Madoka not meet her father. He wouldn’t take kindly to his daughter knowing someone with an inorganic heart, let alone one with the most dangerous kind.

So Madoka patiently waited until Homura got back. Sayaka had gone in her place, but didn’t receive any answer when she knocked on the door. The windows were obscured by drapes, and Sayaka wasn’t about to break in. That was what a burglar would do and burglars would have to stay in a cell for a day.

It wasn’t until a few days later that one of Madoka’s classmates ran up to her, breathless, and said that Homura was leaving Roselake and going on a train that very day. Madoka ran out of the courtyard, ignoring the school’s bell, Sayaka right behind her.

When they were halfway to the train station, Madoka heard Sayaka fall and she turned and hesitated. Sayaka yelled at her, “Go, now!” and Madoka ran again, her legs and lungs burning.

She jumped down the last steps to the platform, but the train was already leaving the station. As it picked up steam, Madoka ran along the side of it and could see Homura by a window, oblivious to the girl outside. Madoka tried to call out her name, but her heart sent an agonizing ache and she stumbled. The smoke of the train and her heart made her eyes water, and all she could think was that she never got the chance to say good-bye.


	4. Not until my whole life is done will I ever leave you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a train telling strangers about you

Madoka stayed on the stony ground, her breaths shallow and her throat burning, her hands shakily turning the key into her heart, the mechanism finally slowing its frantic ticks. She blinked, a few tears rolling down her cheeks and she managed a cough. Through her teary eyes she imagined the boy standing above her, looking down and growling that she was pathetic.

But the boy wasn’t there, her vision focused and it was Sayaka, shaking Madoka’s shoulder and muttering quickly, “Hurry, hurry, hurry.”

When Sayaka saw Madoka move, she pulled the girl up to her feet and said, “The next train is going to come in soon, we can catch them.”

Madoka didn’t say anything; she couldn’t say anything so she gave a feeble nod and looked out in the direction the other train was going. It was going to the south, so Homura was going to Woolhope.   
They waited together for the next train to roar into the station, and ran inside when the train finally arrived and its doors opened.

They were quiet on the way to Woolhope, save for Sayaka making a comment about missing school for the first time, and the morning turned to midday by the time they arrived. They split off at the station and called Homura’s name throughout nearly the entire town but there was no answer.

They did not have the means to go to the next place, and didn’t even know where Homura was truly headed. Madoka finally returned to the station when it was nearing twilight, and the two were silent once again on the ride home.

They said good night to each other at the station. When Madoka got home dinner had already passed and her mother was angry and her father worried. In the end she was punished with cleaning the entire house for a week.

She would have taken any punishment if it meant Homura was going to come back.

-

It took six months for Madoka to stop jumping at every creak in the classroom or whirl around when she thought she saw black hair or a red dress, and another six to stop and sit by that river. No letters arrived, nobody knew where Homura and her father had gone and Madoka found that her anticipation and hope were slowly dulling to defeat.

She found herself pouring into transferring hearts, and even Sayaka would come to watch her work more often. In this shared interest they could forget for just a while. They could joke that Madoka wasn’t going to need to practice when she left Roselake, or that a doll was picky in picking a swatch for a fabric heart. Only once was Homura mentioned there and it was because Mami left it slip that she didn’t trust Homura’s father on account of what he said about her heart.

When it got to be too much and Madoka was aching to talk to her she would write letters. They would never be sent and would grow yellowed in a box on her desk but still Madoka wrote; The tests in class, someone who wanted a specific gem for their heart, Sayaka catching a huge fish with a stick and a thread, asking where she was and what she was seeing.

That in a year’s time maybe Homura would be found.

-

The year passed by quickly and Madoka left Roselake a few days after her sixteenth birthday, her family and friends bidding farewell. She joked with Mami that her wanderlust was finally going to be cured, promised Sayaka to say hello to the girl in Hirane, and that she would remember to come home when her heart matured.

When she left on the train Madoka waved good-bye from the window and mouthed, “I’m sorry,” as it rolled out of sight for them. She wanted to be selfish, to fulfill the promise to Homura and herself.

She held onto the silver key in her pocket until the train arrived to Woolhope and she began to learn about their hearts.

-

True to her word, Madoka travelled through many towns. It was not always easy, as her heart was becoming more and more demanding the closer she got to become an adult.  
When she arrived in Hirane she managed to find the person Sayaka was talking about, a girl just a little older than them named Kyoko. She directed Madoka to the hearts that were made of copper, though not without a demand that she tell Sayaka to visit.

Madoka wrote letters to Roselake, though often not with an address back to her because she was moving from town to town too much, just to let them know that she was safe and well. She did not find herself missing the place as much as she thought she would, on the occasion where she would try to sleep and find herself yearning for home.

When she arrived in Ship Haven she met Sayaka’s family accidentally, and they were more than happy to let the girl with the clock heart their niece or granddaughter had told them so much about. It was nearing the winter months and Madoka unintentionally let it slip that her birthday passed by sometime ago and Sayaka’s family threw her an impromptu birthday party and gave some wisdom about being seventeen years old. The cake they made for her was small and a little messy but it made her feel happy.

They were there at the station when Madoka left after learning more about rope hearts and her ever present question unanswered.

She stumbled into Ashborne when there was a wedding, to which she was handed rose petals to throw as the couple walked by. It was a small town so finding the place where paper hearts were constructed was easier than most towns. She learned that the paper was enchanted so that it wouldn’t rip but it would still get crinkly after drying off from a rain storm.

Next was Acomb, where Madoka learned that wooden hearts were made. She also learned that a descendant of the bully lived in a place called Augustine Manor somewhere on the outskirts of town. Even though he bore only ill will to the boy Madoka decided to not ask her question here.

Sayaka was right about Amberway; there were no specialty hearts but it did not seem boring. From what Madoka heard from the locals the annual farmers market had occurred a few days before. There was also a traveling troupe that passed by, and they were on their way to Silverkeep.

Madoka was going to go there next. She stayed for a while in Amberway just to look around the town. It was as big as Roselake, and though the architecture and clothing style was different, focusing more on curved roofs and the clothes something more formal, it felt like the closest to home.  
There was a moment when she noticed there was a discolored stone in the cobbled road, and when she turned the corner there was an abandoned shop. Madoka thought that it would look like the kind of shop that would sell flowers or something mechanical. She ran a hand over the dusty windowsill and tapped her lucky key to it, so that the building would be found and loved again.

-

When she arrived in Silverkeep summer was nearly over, and the leaves were beginning to change from green to red and orange and yellow.

Silverkeep was a chilly town, and Madoka welcomed the heat of the workshop where gem hearts were being made. The owner told her what she wanted to know and dispensed a little about the town history, namely about two families, “That were just waiting for a child that would need a gem heart so that they would outdo each other. If somebody got their orders mixed up it would be very bad news,” but Madoka couldn’t reply because the sharp sound the gem made as the owner chipped away at it made her cover her ears. The owner mentioned that the traveling troupe had set up outside the town and she would have to visit very quickly if she liked.

Madoka still received the answer that nobody had a clock heart or asked for one, and thanked him for his time. She decided to go to the place where the troupe was set up.

It was a fairly large troupe, with one ride set up and many stages and booths and traveling wagons, and when she arrived some of the traveling wagons and stages where people would perform were empty. She saw that there was a small crowd heading to a part of the area that was to the right and she followed them.

There was a stage set up on a field, and Madoka settled into a chair and looked at the curtain, eagerly waiting to see what was going to happen.

A voice sang out, and Madoka strained to remember where she had heard that voice before, anticipation and fear creeping into her heart. The curtain opened up and she saw a woman her age walk to the center of the stage and sing as her violin accompanied her. Madoka felt like she had been punched in the stomach and her hands began to shake.

She had found Homura.


	5. I'm stronger now but still not free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm only honest when it rains

Madoka couldn’t focus on the performance, and she muffled her heart with her jacket in case it started to make noise. Homura was there; Madoka had waited and yearned for three years to see her but now all of her courage evaporated and she couldn’t imagine revealing who she was.

 

At the end of the performance Madoka felt like she got a sliver of courage back and as such she followed Homura to the wings of the curtain and tapped her shoulder. Homura wasn’t wearing her glasses.

 

“Autograph?” she asked and, at Madoka’s silence, she added, “Do you hear that odd noise?”

 

“Not for an autograph,” Madoka replied. She made her voice low and strained. She pressed her jacket against her heart. “There must be some machinery nearby.”

 

“Are you all right? That sounds like a horrible cold.”

 

“It will pass,” Madoka said. “I just wanted to say that was amazing music.”

 

“Ah, well, thank you,” Homura said. “Are you new here? I don’t recognize your voice.”

 

“I just arrived. I was, um, thinking of joining this troupe,” Madoka lied. “But it is getting late and I should go to an inn.”

 

“Don’t stay at an inn,” Homura said. “Talk with the troupe leader. A member of our troupe decided to stay in Amberway, so there’s a vacancy. The troupe leader has his place set up by the concession stands.”

 

“Thank you,” Madoka said. “I didn’t catch your name.”

 

“It’s Homura. I need to get ready for the most performance, but I hope to see you again.”

 

Madoka let her go past, and stopped pressing her jacket to her heart long enough to wind it up again.

 

-

 

When Madoka went to the troupe leader and he introduced himself she was so wrapped up in thinking about her first encounter in years with Homura that she didn’t hear his name. It definitely started with a G, but it wouldn’t matter because Madoka asked if she could call him “sir” and he didn’t mind, just thought it a little impersonal.

 

“I’m here to join the troupe,” Madoka said. “At least I think I want to. I’ve been traveling a lot.”

 

“That’s how most people join this place,” said the troupe leader. “Most of them stay, but if you want to join you have to have a talent.”

 

Madoka couldn’t say that her talent was transferring hearts. She doubted that they had the materials for it or the stuffed dolls in place of actual lives. So she said, “Maybe I could scare people,” and she showed him her clock heart.

 

“I will give you an ultimatum,” the troupe leader said. “We leave in a few days. If you can think up something by then you can stay.”

 

Madoka agreed and the troupe leader showed her the vacant traveling wagon, unlocking the door for it.

 

The inside was bare, with only a table and a simple bed with a thin mattress and thin blanket. Madoka waved goodbye to the troupe leader and closed the door. She would clean up this place in the morning.

 

It took a long while for her to finally fall asleep, her mind abuzz with one thought: she had finally found Homura.

 

-

She woke up early; not feeling at all rested, but still got to work on cleaning the traveling wagon. Her heart had a dull ache, but Madoka figured it was a typical morning and wound it up. She found a bucket and drew water from the nearby lake, which was closer to Silverkeep, bringing it back to the traveling wagon. Madoka decided to visit the town as well, and found a shop that sold fabrics. She bought some, which were different textures, for Homura.

 

Madoka scrubbed away all the dirt and grime, and took the cloths to the river to wash out the residue. She hung them to dry on the bed frame and dried her hands, handling the small pile of fabrics with care. Madoka wanted to fold them into flower shapes, but the fabric was stubborn and she had to give up.

 

It was midday when Madoka left to find Homura. She was at the ride, a small rollercoaster that went up and down, the cars clanking on the rails.

 

“Hello,” Madoka said. She held out the fabrics to Homura. “I bought these for you.”

 

Homura squinted a little to get a better look at the present, and took the fabric, saying, “Oh,” when she felt them. She ran a hand over the top fabric, and smiled fondly.

 

“This is an unusual present,” she said. “People like to give me flowers. I can barely praise them without my glasses.”

 

“You wear glasses?” Madoka asked. She hoped the question sounded authentic. “Why don’t you wear them?”

 

“I look like a sprite,” Homura replied. “And I can play my violin by memory.”

 

She smiled again. “I forgot to ask. Where did you come from?”

 

“Amberway,” Madoka said, her voice stumbling at the first syllable. “I wanted to travel to, um, Woolhope.”

 

Homura’s face contorted into slight disgust. “I visited there, once. It wasn’t a bad place; just a lot of bad memories.”

 

Her face relaxed. “Why did you come to Silverkeep? Woolhope is further south.”

 

“I missed the troupe, because I was, um,” Madoka stammered, “I, I was much sicker and I missed the troupe. And I thought when I got getter, _better_ , I would follow and join.”

 

She coughed loudly, a sharp pain shuddering through her heart right at that moment. She grasped the edge of her jacket and pulled.

 

“I see,” Homura said. “Is your cold getting better? That sounded painful.”

 

“Slowly,” Madoka said.

 

“Well, thank you for the fabrics,” Homura said. “Since you’re new to the troupe you should come by the lake later tonight. We’re going to dance.”

 

“I’d like that,” Madoka said. She waited for Homura to leave before taking her key and winding up her heart.

 

-

 

The dance was illuminated with lanterns scattered around in a circle, and Madoka found Homura on the edge of the circle. She had her head to the ground, her feet tapping to the music played by horns and accordions.

 

“Are you going to dance?” Madoka asked. She was expecting it, since Homura had mentioned dancing.

 

“I don’t dance very often,” Homura said. “My hair gets in the way and I can’t see very much as it is.”

 

Madoka wordlessly pulled one of her ribbons from her hair, and brushed it against Homura’s hand so that she knew what it was.

 

“You can use one of my ribbons to tie up your hair.”

 

Homura held the ribbon, and asked if Madoka could help her tie it up into a braid, and Madoka agreed. She moved the hair into a braid, and the two of them walked into the circle.

 

Throughout the dance Madoka could pretend that nothing had changed. That Homura had never left, and they were dancing in Roselake when a troupe came to visit and Mami and Sayaka would arrive soon.

 

At the end of the dance her heart began to ache dully again and she had to face reality. Madoka knew then that she had to tell the truth.

 

Madoka looked at Homura, who was still smiling from the dance, and said, “I have to show you something.”

At the serious tone, Homura’s smile faded and she asked, “What is it?”

 

“You’ll have to wear your glasses. We need to go to your traveling wagon.”

 

Homura looked concerned but she nodded and the two walked together. Madoka felt like a lead ball was in her stomach, churning and poisonous.

 

It didn’t leave when Homura found her glasses and placed them in their proper place and blinked at the sudden clarity.  
Her expression didn’t change when she saw Madoka. But then there was realization and something Madoka didn’t expect: anger.

 

“Madoka,” Homura said, her voice tight. “You’ve talked to me all this time and you didn’t tell me you were here?”

 

Madoka opened her mouth to explain, but shut it at the intensity of Homura’s glare. That sentence opened up a floodgate that drowned any happiness that occurred before.

 

“I joined this troupe so I could go to Roselake and you show up and don’t say anything?” she hissed. “You lied to me about who you were. And do you know what else? Father lied, too.”

 

The lead ball in Madoka’s stomach became very cold.

 

“He lied about my heart, and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to get away, I had to find you. Why didn’t you tell me?! I trusted you, even after your friend lied about my heart! Did you know?” Homura’s hands were on the top of her head and when she brought them down a few strands of hair fell through her fingers.

 

Madoka was speechless, the words stuck in her throat.

 

“You did know, didn’t you? I can’t look at you. Leave.”

 

Madoka turned and ran, past the concession stands and the stages, out to the lingering lights by the lake. Her heart screamed and she stumbled to her knees, her arm shaking as she supported herself to wind up her heart.

 

She sobbed, and let her head rest against the ground. She wished it would swallow her up.

 

There were footsteps and for a moment Madoka thought that it was the person she most wanted to see. But when she got up and turned around she saw that it wasn’t Homura but the troupe leader.

 

“I saw you running,” the troupe leader said. “If you had left I’d never get to say thank you for cleaning up your place.”

 

Madoka blinked, and tried to chuckle. It was teary and the troupe leader took a step closer.

 

“Are you crying?” he asked. “What happened?”

 

“I got into a fight with someone,” she said.

 

“Ah. I can lend you an ear, if you would like.”

 

Madoka told his most of everything, from her wanderlust to Homura leaving Roselake. She didn’t tell him of their promise.

 

“She must have known you were looking for her.”

 

Madoka breathed shakily. “I didn’t tell her. I couldn’t tell her because I was afraid. I didn’t find what I was looking for. I thought that… I thought that she would be disappointed in me.”

 

“That sounds like something you should tell her instead of me,” the troupe leader said with a pointed look.

 

Madoka was silent, and she nodded. “Thank you.”

 

“You’ll figure it out,” the troupe leader said. “If you work it out you two are welcome to leave. Her insistence on not wearing those glasses is a recipe for trouble.”

 

The troupe leader walked back, and Madoka turned to look at the lake. She went to it to splash water on her hot face and closed her eyes at the coolness. She breathed, and took out the silver key from her pocket.

 

Madoka ran a finger over the teeth one last time and drew her arm back. She threw the key into the lake.

 

She knew what she had to do.

 

-

 

Madoka stood at the door, her hand ready to knock when it felt like her heart was being split into half. The breath was knocked out of her, and she stepped back, her heart scorching and torn. Madoka thought that she should be bleeding but there was nothing and for the briefest moment she wondered if she could even be considered human. Her ears began to ring and her eyes were filled with tears again, and in futility all she could do was encase her hands against her heart so that it would not burst into pieces. Madoka could feel the heat beneath her hands. She fell to her knees and looked up.

 

She saw the boy as she always imagined him and through the pain she remembered what Mami had said so long ago. She gasped, “ _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I was born like this_.”

 

“Madoka,” the boy said with Homura’s voice. “Madoka, hold on-“

 

Everything was swallowed by darkness.


	6. Days in the sun will return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world is brighter than the sun  
> Now that you're here

Madoka gasped, her lungs feeling sharp like she shouldn’t have breathed. A hand touched her shoulder and she looked around wildly before she realized the troupe leader was there. She was in her traveling wagon, the morning sun spreading light throughout the room.

 

“You are all right,” he said. “You are alive.”

 

Madoka didn’t feel like it, for it felt like her heart was replaced by a silent thing. She looked down and saw that it was indeed still there, but looked different. It had never truly fit until now. Madoka wound it up anyway, feeling strange that the key didn’t give any relief. There was no dire need for it anymore.

 

“Where is Homura?” she asked the troupe leader.

 

“She just left to go to the train station,” he replied.

 

Madoka threw the blanket off her, and she ran. She ran through the troupe, over the bridge and through Silverkeep. It should have hurt before but now she ran like the wind, unhindered by anything. Before long she could see the train platform and the lone figure standing there.

 

Madoka ran up the stairs and yelled her name, Homura turning and looking as if she had seen a ghost. But the look twisted into something stern again.

 

“Don’t overexert yourself-“

 

“I had to explain before you left again-“ Madoka had her hands on Homura’s shoulders.

 

“I thought I _lost_ you,” Homura shouted back.

 

Madoka just looked at her. She let go and said, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for scaring you.”

 

“I should say that I’m sorry,” Homura said. “What I said yesterday, it wasn’t fair to you. I didn’t let you talk.”

 

“I should have told you who I was,” Madoka said. “I shouldn’t have tricked you.”

 

“The troupe leader explained it to me,” Homura said. She let out a light chuckle. “He said at the end of it that we should really talk more.”

 

“Then why didn’t you wait?”

 

“You weren’t waking up,” Homura said. “We didn’t have a lot of options. Nobody in Silverkeep could work on a clock heart and I was going to get help in Roselake.”

 

“Ah,” Madoka said. “Today is my birthday. My heart matured, you remember don’t you?”

 

“I do now,” Homura said. “But I want to ask you. Why didn’t you tell me who you were?”

 

Madoka averted her gaze, her hand grazing the back of her neck. “Do you… remember when we made that promise?” At Homura’s nod she continued. “I’ve been traveling for two years and I never found someone with a clock heart. When I saw you I thought that you would be disappointed in me.”

 

“I wouldn’t ever feel that way,” Homura said. “I still don’t know much about hearts but I know from you how rare clock hearts are.”

 

Madoka’s hand rubbed the back of her neck. The warmth in her face deepened. “I’m, um. I’m truly sorry. I was being foolish.”

 

“A little,” Homura said. “But I was the one walking around without glasses. So we are both foolish.”

 

Madoka chuckled. There was a brief silence.

 

“What do you want to do?” Homura asked. “We can look for that person together.”

 

“I think,” Madoka said, “I want to go home. Not forever, but I want to let everyone know I’m okay. Work on hearts again.”

 

-

 

After some words with the troupe leader about leaving and packing Madoka’s things they were on a train to Roselake. Everything had changed in a day, but she was glad to be going back home. Still, the wanderlust hadn’t fully freed her, so they could go out there again someday.

 

She rested a hand on top of Homura’s.

 

“I never found someone with a clock heart,” she said. “But I found you. And that’s better.”

 

“I’m glad I found you.”

 

“If you don’t mind,” Madoka said, “We could finish our promise. I found myself, so maybe that counts for something.”

 

Homura leaned in to kiss her and Madoka thought that those six months of jumping at every sound and glance of black hair or a red dress were worth it for this moment.

 

-

 

When they arrived in Roselake, after the reunions and the questions and jubilance, it was decided that Homura could live with Mami if she helped get materials and supplies for the workshop. In the time Madoka was gone Mami had taken it over and her parents retired, though they occasionally came in to help them refine their skills.

 

Madoka relayed her message to Sayaka that she should go visit Kyoko to which Sayaka rolled her eyes and laughed. But she did visit a few weeks later and came back with an armload of copper hearts, because Kyoko figured this would be the best belated birthday present for Madoka.

 

Madoka accepted it and said that she would go with Sayaka next time.

 

Mami had her work on people that were the least sick or injured so that she could practice. The first day was a shock because stuffed dolls did not bleed and it hadn’t hit Madoka fully that she would be seeing a real heart. It made her nauseous but Mami guided her through it and with about eighty percent of the work handled by Mami the patient had a copper heart.

 

The second time was easier. There was still too much blood and she was nervous about taking out the diseased heart that was there but Mami helped her again and it was easier to put in the new heart. Still, Madoka was glad that the patients were put under chloroform and numbing agents so they could not feel their afflicted hearts being replaced.

 

She was thankful that she received her clock heart when she was a baby.

 

Homura was also tasked with sanitizing their gloves and instruments afterwards though she was adamant in never stepping in to look as they worked on a patient. She would stick to minimal blood, thank you very much.

 

Sayaka did visit once, out of morbid curiosity. Before they had even gotten to work on cutting open the area where the heart was she left the room to stay with the patient’s mother and give her some refreshments while she waited.

 

Overtime it got easier and Madoka was trusted to work alone. She had ceased asking her question, but it was always in the back of her mind.

 

-

 

A few years later, when it was spring time and the lake was still too cold to swim in, Madoka was alone at the workshop. Mami’s parents had moved to Woolhope some time before, and Mami, Sayaka and Homura were going to visit them. Homura wanted some good memories of that place, and Madoka had volunteered to stay behind in case somebody needed a heart.

 

It was a quiet day. Madoka was practicing on the stuffed dolls because she had nothing else to do except perfect her skill when there was knocking at the door, so frenzied and frantic that she thought the door would be broken down. She opened it to see a man dressed in the style of Amberway clothes, holding a bundle in his arms.

 

“Help me, my son needs a heart, I’ll pay any price, please,” his voice was strained with panic.

 

“I will help,” Madoka said, taking the bundle. She headed to the workshop and undid the blanket from the baby, a small, silent thing with a toothless mouth and a shock of dark hair on his head. She set him down on the table, put on her apron and gloves and took a stethoscope to listen to his heart, her own seized with anxiety when she realized that the heart beats were too far apart.

 

He would need a clock heart.

 

Madoka got to work quickly, doing the necessary procedure for the baby to prepare him for the transfer. She propped him up so that she could have better access to the heart and cut. She saw the afflicted heart and held her breath, cutting the valves and sliding out the tiny organ. She set in the mechanisms for the clock heart, closed it with the front of the clock and twisted the key to make the gears turn into motion.

 

After a few seconds the clock heart began to tick and the baby finally made a noise, letting out a low wail.

 

Madoka let her breath go and began to gently wash away the blood with a washcloth.

 

“It’s okay. The worst is over,” she said as she let him rest on the table as she took off her bloody apron. She didn’t want to frighten the father to death. She took the blanket and wrapped it around him, making shushing noises.

 

When the wail passed his eyes looked around curiously, his freed hands reaching. His gaze eventually focused on Madoka and he ineffectually hit one of his tiny hands against the bottom of her heart.

 

“ _Oh_ ,” Madoka said quietly. She held the baby closer.

 

“Don’t worry. Don’t worry, you’ll be all right. You’re already so loved.”

 

She held onto this moment for a little while longer. Then Madoka took the key, the same bronze color as hers, and returned the baby to his father, who was overcome with joy.

 

Madoka managed to tell him the three rules of the clock heart, but the addendum was forgotten when the man tried to give her the payment.

 

“Is this too little?” He asked, holding out the big handful of gold coins.

 

“If anything, it’s too much!” Madoka said. “I can’t accept this.”

 

“No, it’s worth it. Please, take it.”

 

Madoka took the coins hopelessly, and went to the workshop to count out the actual price. When she returned to the front the man was gone. Madoka rubbed a hand against her face and decided that if the man was happy with the amount then she was happy.

 

She reflected on what happened, and a laugh escaped her, a little loose and frantic. She stumbled to a chair and fell into it, her hand against her forehead and small laughs following. She rubbed her knuckles against her watering eyes, the tears making saltwater trails down her face.

 

When Mami, Sayaka and Homura returned Madoka had finished crying, but her eyes were puffy and her face still slightly red. When questioned the tears started again and she could only say, “The baby,” and Sayaka said what the others were thinking; that a baby had died when a heart transfer failed and she went to console Madoka.

After she dried her tears a second time Madoka explained the truth, which earned a sigh of relief from the others. There was a lot of talking, Mami wanting to know how it went, Sayaka finding the coins and asking where they came from and Homura wondering if this meant that their promise was finally fulfilled.

 

Madoka explained it all. It didn’t hit her until later that her question had finally been answered.

 

-

 

In the following years Madoka didn’t encounter another person that needed a clock heart or already had one. But as she told Homura on the train on her eighteenth birthday it was okay because she found Homura again.

 

Madoka hadn’t really conquered her wanderlust just yet. She did visit Kyoko with Sayaka, to which Kyoko wanted to see the workshop and didn’t mind seeing someone get a heart transfer. She said that she had seen plenty of them in Hirane, and then goaded Sayaka in telling them why she had stayed away from rope hearts in Ship Haven. Sayaka finally came to the conclusion that blood was better to think about when it was not everywhere. Madoka had to agree with that.

 

And still she traveled further and further, looking for different kinds of hearts to learn about. Homura had accompanied her, and sometimes Mami or Sayaka would catch up with them so that they could see more of the world too. Mami thought that the spirit of the girl decided to visit them all and make them want to travel. Madoka replied that she wouldn’t mind if the girl visited her until she got old and wouldn’t be able to walk far enough anymore.

 

Sayaka thought that she would travel until Death decided that was enough walking.

 

Madoka felt somewhat savvy when she traveled again to places she had already been and had never visited. She no longer asked her question, but she allowed her heart to peek out a little from her jacket and she let others draw their own conclusions. Homura was able to learn about the numerous hearts as well and she even practiced a little on stuffed dolls, eventually giving a doll a heart made of flint successfully.

 

Truth to be told, when Madoka was free to travel without any questions or to look for someone special she felt like she could live up to what Sayaka said. With Homura by her side it felt like she wouldn’t come back home for a very long time.

 

But something did cause her to go back to Roselake. When Madoka and Homura were deep up north in Dalry, learning about sugar hearts, Homura asked Madoka to marry her.  
They managed to return home in time for the summer to arrive and were wed by the lake where they made their promise ten years ago.

 

They traveled less frequently, never going further than Hirane. Madoka became too busy with helping Mami at the workshop and Homura had decided to tutor violin for the children that went to the school they all went to.

 

But when they became much older, Homura’s hair more grey than black, the two of them traveled to Silverkeep together one last time. Not much had changed since they were last there, many years ago, but the town had expanded so that a proper place for the traveling troupe that kept up the traditions. The two feuding families had since ended their feud, which Madoka thought was a relief.

 

When it became dusk and they were nearby the traveling troupe Homura took Madoka’s hand and asked, “Would you like to dance?”

 

“I would,” Madoka said. They danced together even when the moon was high in the sky and the music faded as the musicians and other dancers slowly left.

 

“I love you,” Homura said when they stopped and rested by the lake, the water holding a reflection of the moon.

 

“I love you, too,” Madoka replied. She moved closer and rested against Homura’s shoulder. She imagined the boy and the girl dancing in the moon, looking over them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for read this. It was a labor of love.
> 
> Story and chapter titles from "Days in the Sun". Chapter one summary from Sleeping at Last's "Jupiter." Chapter four summary from The Audreys' "Sometimes the Stars." Chapter five summary from Sleeping at Last's "Neptune." Chapter six summary from Sleeping at Last's "Light."


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